When it comes to parenting, most of us work really hard to take care of our children, to make sure they are healthy and happy, and that they grow up to become responsible adults. We take the security, physical health, intellectual curiosity, and emotional well being of our children seriously. So seriously that the many activities of our children take up most of our free time. Our social lives become interactions with teachers, coaches, and other parents, as well as attendance at soccer matches, dance practice, piano lessons, etc… . We become so involved with the lives of our children and work that we forget about ourselves, we forget who we are and what we enjoy. We forget one of the most important principles of parenting “put the mask on yourself first”. This simply means don’t forget to take care of you. If you don’t take care of yourself, it becomes difficult to adequately parent.
For many of us parents just the thought of taking an hour out of our day for ourselves or doing something we enjoy causes us to feel guilty, as if by doing so we will be neglecting our children. However, quiet the reverse is true, failure to care for our well being may be more detrimental to our children then the absence of our presence for an hour or two. Failure to take care of the self may result in tired irritable parents who may be short-tempered and easily frustrated by the needs of our children. Failure to maintain our well being may result in depression, anxiety, fatigue, and poor overall physical health.
In the April issue of O Magazine, the first lady, Michelle Obama, talks about how she manages the demands of being a professional, a wife and a mother. She talks about getting up at 4:30 to work out, because if she had to get up at 4:30 for work she would or to take care of her children she would, and how too often when we think about doing these kinds of things for ourselves we cannot do it. She changed her thinking because exercise helps her feel good about herself. She talks about how her happiness is tied to how she feels about herself, and she wants her daughters to see a mother who takes care of herself. When I read this, I thought what a wonderful example for many of the mothers of today.
As parents we must start to love ourselves like we love our children. This helps us be better parents to our children, and healthier and happier individuals. It is also good for our children to see us take care of ourselves, to understand that we are more than just parents but also people with our own identity outside of them. Remember also, we are role models for our children, so by allowing them to see us as people and parents, we give them a guide for how to become parents who take care of themselves when they become parents. So don’t forget that being a parent does not mean that the you, you were before you had children ceases to exist. Make it a habit to regularly do something you enjoy, something that does not revolve around parenting. Don’t forget to “put the mask on yourself first”.
SBS Psychological Associates, Inc.
